So I live in Australia...

...every few days or so I stop and think, did I really just move to Australia?

This thought usually goes one of two directions
1) What the hell have I done? This is usually when I'm missing something from home like having friends/family nearby, Austin lifestyle and food, or all the crap I accumulated to make myself 'comfortable' (Heating and A/C, nice apartment, couch, TV, bed, car, fancy coffee machine, electric toothbrush, strippers, etc) - I am clearly still struggling a bit on that materialistic selfish side.

or what follows is some version of...

2) Yes, Heather, yes you moved half way around the world, HELL YEAH!

As you can imagine, I am constantly being asked "So why Australia?" to which I haven't come up with a good answer. I mean, I know why, but it's boring and doesn't really make for good conversation. In typical Heather fashion, I wanted to think of some clever, witty, or funny anecdote...but I never came up with anything good (please if you have any thoughts, send them my direction).

My original remark to said question "So Heather, why did you move to Australia?"

My reply: "The Australian Thunder Down Under, of course" to which I received blank stares and courtesy laughs.

I finally grew a pair and asked..."So where can I see said 'thunder down under'?" (Jeanette this was so I knew where to take you when you came to visit) This is when I learned......but the Australian Thunder Down Under is only a figment of the surreal life otherwise known as Vegas. Said trou dropping, thong wearing, perfectly toned and tanned dancing beef cakes do not, in reality, exist in Melbourne.

ps -(I can't speak for the rest of Australia just yet - there is still hope!).

Everything is not bigger in Texas

Maybe it's been a long time since I had a kiwi fruit in Texas, but I'm pretty darn sure that the kiwi fruit here is almost double in size.

This is why they don't serve ICED TEA!

What not To Do on the Choo Choo

Trams and Trains are part of my daily life. I can't get very far in Melbourne without having to get on a tram or train. Since this is part of my daily routine, it's something that I have observed certain 'things' if you will that I think should be immediately corrected. Many of these behaviours are probably common public place annoyances, I just find them particularly annoying on the tram/train.

1) Consumption of Food - I would vote just don't do it at all, but most certainly don't consume foods that require eating with your hands. Have you considered where your hands have been just to get on the train, much less the disgustingness of the germs in that little cabin of air space. This really came home one morning as I was innocently riding along the Epping line to get to work. This lady sat directly across from me(see later bullet point on choice of seating) and promptly unloaded what, to my surprise, was apparently her definition of breakfast. Course One was Pringles sour cream and onion. Seriously?!? Who eats that for breakfast? Not to mention the foul smell that was now drafting my direction, on top of which I had to watch this lady (who clearly had feasted on pringles multiple times in life) crunch through a whole can of these chips, LICK her fingers, and then attempt to brush away the crumbs. With an annoyed sigh, I thought to myself, well at least that's over, she's finished the can. Oh no no no, she wasn't done. Then came Course Two, to blend with the stench of sour cream and onion, she pulled from her bag-o-treats an orange! Yet another loud smelling, finger food that I was just perplexed that someone would even attempt to eat on a train. It was clear that she had pulled this stunt before, as she managed to peel the thing in one cohesive piece of rine. At the next stop, before I threw up what little food I had in my stomach, or worse she pulled out a can of tuna, I got up and moved to a different seat in the train.

Which leads me to my next 'understood' rule of tram/train travel.

2) Seating - Now, I know I'm not in Texas anymore, and there is no such thing as men who give up their seats for women anywhere else in the world, however, there are still some expected human instinct type behaviours. One, if its high traffic time, and you are capable of standing, then stand. If you are a lady with a ridiculously oversized hand bag, said 'purse' does not need it's own seat. It does not have legs, and it won't kill you to hold that monstrousity in your lap (might do you a bit of good to get a good feel for exactly how large of a bag you've actually managed to haul around this whole time). My other piece of advice would be, if you see someone who is relatively tall, and there are several other open seats on the train, do not sit directly across from us. We do not appreciate bumping knees with you (unless of course you are one those gems of a hot Australian man, in which case let's get a drink and then we can bump all sorts of things) and it is not comfortable to try and sit with my feet tucked up under my chair. If you just have to have a window seat, kindly ask, I will be more than happy to switch with you.

There are a few other points I've gathered from my daily train travels that can be stated quite briefly.
- Take a bath. The spiders will still get you, even if you stink.
- Don't block the doorway, I will knock you down to keep from missing the train.
- Talking loudly on your mobile, to tell the person every 30 seconds that you can't hear them because of the bad reception on the train is POINTLESS. Hang up.
- Heaving petting or making out to the point that there are slurping or moaning noises merits a hotel room. Get one.

A personal definition of Success

Someone recently asked me what I would consider successful, or to define what would be the achievement of success in life. I, of course, couldn't put words together right away but found myself contemplating the question later on while dining alone at a local pub. So here is what I came up with...

Success is...
...having a career that I can look back on and be proud of, ripe with self improvement, intellectual realizations and academic accomplishments.
...having relationships that I valued, nurtured, and invested in, sprinkled with people who are tantalizing fiction book worthy characters.
...having a past rich with adventure, impossible moments conquered, and dreams fulfilled.

But most importantly, I know I'm successful when I have those random moments where my head tilts back to let the warm sun hit my face and not being able to help but smile because it just feels good to be alive.

Heaps of Reckoning!

So the Australian Vocabulary lessons continue...

Quantities in Australia are often measured in 'heaps' - if you have a significant quantity of anything, you have 'heaps'

To my amusement and surprise, Australians also 'reckon' about everything...I can't tell you how many times a day I hear someone say "well, I reckon..." Feels like I'm sitting in an old west Texas western movie when I hear it.

Torch = Flashlight
Petrol = Gas
Dot Point = Bullet Points (i.e. for list making)
Heath'ah' = Heather - it's actually really cute the way they all say my name

Some new foods...
Sushi with a new twist - they sell sushi in this handy to-go format. It's like a roll that was never sliced, so you get this delicious cylinder of fresh salmon rice and avocado all rolled in seaweed paper. It's a great healthy fast food to grab once I get off the train, and can't make the tram ride home without a snack. They average about $2.50 AUD, which isn't bad at all!

TimTams - These little thigh fattening jewels are just too good to resist. It's two bisquit (aka cookies) with a chocolate moose in the middle, covered in a milky chocolate outside. I've heard tales of biting off each end and sucking coffee or hot chocolate through it like a straw, melting the chocolate inside, supposedly great in these 'cold' winter months.

Chocolate here seems to be more milky (or maybe just less waxy) than in the US.

A world for women with big feet!

A quick post to let every woman with a 10+ size foot that there is hope! I needed a pair of black dress shoes, and was dreading the thought of trying to shoe shop in Australia (as most things are much much more expensive that the US). I happened upon this small shoe shop in Richmond on Saturday, and made away with 6 pairs of shoes. Not only did I strike it rich in the 'shoes that actually fit my feet' category BUT it only cost me $200 AUD (which is something like $188 USD?). My shoe size here is a 10, which was a good feeling, and there were tons of shoes to choose from (hence my mildly over zealous purchse of 6 pairs). Two of the pairs I only paid $10 for each pair! Now, I know the gentlemen reading my blog are probably thinking - really, all this excitement over shoes? - but you ladies out there, you know how it feels when you find a treasure like this...yes Saturday was a good day - 6 pairs of shoes, and 1 dead spider.