Dating Down Under

Call it Kangaroo Mating or Aussie Dating...let’s get down to the ‘root’ of it all!

Wasn't too sure about writing this one (yes, I would sooner write about my poop than this) but hey - what do I really have to hide...besides that lovely tattoo on my ass that I was inspired to get as a declaration of my independence on my 18th birthday.

I’ve always appreciated my single friends and married/couple friends equally. I occasionally contemplated the feeling of being the 3rd/5th/7th wheel in what I now longingly refer to as my “Life in Texas”, but I always had my single friends to cheer me up. It’s a little different here, as I don’t have as many friends without SO’s (SO = significant other’s), and there are a lot of activities that are just not as fun when your flying solo.

Believe it or not, I’ve found dining alone to be pretty easy. Other than the elderly couples that stare at me as if I belong on that show Modern Marvels, I generally feel comfortable eating alone, and toying with the occasional good looking waiter. Surprisingly, the pangs of ‘singledom’ hit close to home while dining out in a group a few weeks ago. This might just be that I’m in a country that generally disregards customer service, but nothing quite scorns the single girl ego like a 7th chair pulled up/forced onto a table of 6 already seating 3 couples. I’m usually a ‘chin up’, take a tequila shot, find the best looking bloke in the bar to mug down with, and ‘let it roll of your back’ girl, but when the gold class movies only had seating in pairs – my blissful life that is ‘all about me’ came to a screeching halt (not really, but you get the point, the pot of frustration finally boiled over). So life is starting to need an SO…even if it is just for the moment…aka - travel companion, movie date, fancy dinner date, and the highlight of being dreadfully obligated to another person - some consistent…er…rooting - or what we more liberal but still classy American girls refer to as ‘getting laid’. Sorry Mom and Dad.

So in the spirit of “getting with the program” or “when you can’t beat’em, why not join’em”…I decided it’s about damn time to for Operation Find Heather a Feller (said with varying degrees of laughing sarcasm). Said conquest is much easier said than done, and I’m guessing will require some amount of leg work (and no, I don’t mean the legs behind your head type leg work – get your minds out of the gutter).

Of course, we can’t set out on such a difficult mission without guidelines or a plan, so I’ve made a few notes:

-They all have accents, so this is no longer a point of attractiveness. In fact, the less of the accent, the easier it is for me to understand what they are saying. There is only so much “smiling and nodding” a girl can do before a date goes down hill.

-Mate is a friend. Heterosexual men refer to other heterosexual men as their ‘mates’. These men are still very eligible.

-When someone refers to their ‘partner’ here, it is not the politically conservative way of saying “I’m dating someone of the same sex” It merely means they are taken, these men are not eligible.

-“Are you from Canada?” or “Is that a Canadian accent?” has to be the worst (and most consistent) pick up line. And no, I cannot explain why I sound Canadian to these people. I need a witty response to this question.

-Considering the above, I need to work on my “Texas” accent. There is an extreme look of disappointment when men realize I’m from Texas, but I don’t sound like Jessica Simpson in Dukes of Hazard (or some other version of an uneducated southern bell).

Some non-lady like Aussie words that one shouldn’t use:
Fanny - this would be like saying cunt in the US (and yes, I learned this because I used the phrase "fanny-pack" in front of mixed company – can we say awkward?)

Rooting - You don't 'root' for the home team, unless we're talking Debbie Does Dallas porno. The proper Aussie use of "root" would be something along the lines of..."She was a great root…" per Nick Wee.

And lastly, I leave you with some great quotes about being single, from some of the best commentary on being a woman, Sex and the City:

“Think about it. If you are single, after graduation there isn’t one occasion where people celebrate you … Hallmark doesn’t make a “congratulations, you didn’t marry the wrong guy” card. And where’s the flatware for going on vacation alone?"

“The fact is, sometimes it’s really hard to walk in a single woman’s shoes. That’s why we need really special ones now and then to make the walk a little more fun.”